"When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." - Maya Angelou American Author and Poet.
How often have we heard people saying, "I didn't have a choice?" This phrase is uttered by many to justify their behavior or complain about their life circumstances. Indeed, we can continue to believe that there are no choices, but this thinking will contribute to our frustration and limit the strength of personal power we experience. There are many reasons why people stay in abusive relationships, from societal pressure to financial dependence, child support, and many more. For many people, this abuse can be difficult to recognize because there are fewer clear boundaries. As a result, victims often suffer silently in confusion. Whenever you are in a situation where you believe there is "no alternative" always remember that there are ways you can opt to get out of the situation.
Why Women Stay In Abusive Relationships
Why women stay in abusive relationships is one of the many questions that continue to hound the human race. Let's see the options for a woman in an abusive relationship. The case of a woman in an abusive relationship who has no safe place to seek help or talk about their issues. There is an embarrassment about sharing what is happening in their lives. The abuser will convince them that she is somehow to blame for his abuse. This often will cause a person in an abusive relationship to suffer in silence. The stories of abused women are common thing in every society. Each story is as familiar as the next one. Some of the women seem to think that there is nothing wrong with their relationship. They remain in denial mode because they think they have themselves to blame for it.
Other women stay in an abusive relationships because of fear. some abusers threaten to harm their relationship. She may have been isolated from her family and friends to ensure that she will give her total submission once she realizes that she is alone in the world. One of the main reasons that some women do not end a relationship no matter how abusive their partner is, is that they don't want to act against the teachings and norms of society. They'd rather pretend that all's well, rather than be different from the others. Love is the most common alibi and a lot of women are trying to live with any form of abuse. They think suffering is an essential part of a strong commitment. But if a woman will start to feel bad about herself, then she should assess her and her partner's feelings. No one has a right to put you down and strip you of your self-esteem. And above all love, despite challenges should make us happy, not otherwise.
Men In Abusive Relationships
When it comes to abuse, there is typical thinking that women are the victim. I, in no way, mean to imply that no men are living in abusive relationships. This can create a seriously demoralizing situation for a man. How does a man explain to his friends that his wife or partner, constantly verbally and emotionally abuses him? I believe there are many more men in such relationships than we think. Because they carry a special stigma if they admit what is happening in their lives, most choose to stay silent. Unfortunately, many of these abuse victims will be overlooked, because gender stereotypes still exist. This type of abuse often goes disregarded and males experience loneliness, isolation, and possibly ashamed in their circumstances.
Overcoming The Abusive Relationships
There can be domestic violence in both genders, male or female, however, for this article, I am writing as if the victim is a female.
First Choice
The first choice in a situation such as this is to attempt to change the situation. Many women will try to have everything perfect for their spouse or partner. They walk around eggshells, believing that if only they are better, more loving, more submissive, quiet, and more invisible, then their man will not hurt them. Many women in abusive relationships are willing to put in a lifetime attempting to change their partner's behavior. Of course, this is a futile attempt because people do not change for someone else. they change when their current behavior stops working for them and sometimes not even then. We can only presume what we may do in the same situation but the right answer for us may not be the right answer for the person going through it.
Second Choice
The second possible outcome is to leave it. In an abusive relationship, this would mean ending the relationship. Many women in abusive relationships are afraid to leave because they believe their partner will hunt them down and possibly kill them or at least claim their "property" and force the women to return. Statistics tell us that more women are killed in abusive relationships who remain in the relationships than who leave but tell that to the family of the one woman who left and was killed by her husband. Statistics don't do much then. Again. it is easy for us to decide it would be best for the woman to leave her current situation but do we know what is best for another person? Leaving is a viable option but it should only be made by the woman who is in the relationship. There are organizations set up to help victims of domestic violence, but remember the laws become very tricky when there are children and custody situations involved. Some women stay because they won't leave their children. Many stay because they are committed to their wedding vows. I might ask a woman if she has considered all of her options and thought of the consequences of each choice. Then, I would ask if she believes that leaving is the best option and if is she willing to pay the possible consequences of that choice. Is paying the possible outcome of leaving preferable to staying in the current situation? Is the risk worth it? For some, it is.
The Final Choice
The final choice is to accept it. accepting it is different from the other two options. In the first two choices, the woman is changing external circumstances. When she is attempting to change it, she is trying to change her partner's behavior. when she is leaving it, she is changing her circumstances. But acceptance involves staying in the situation and understanding and accepting that the other person will not change and finding a way to be all right with that. The woman in a such situation would decide that she is not going to leave and realizes that her husband may never change but decides to stay anyway. This may, for some be their best option.
Food For Thought
For those of us who love the woman in this situation, we have the same three choices to go through. A relationship is a very valuable aspect in our life. It must be unique and something to be enjoyed by everyone. On the other hand to have an unhealthy or abusive relationship is to experience the exact opposite when we are having a healthy relationship. There are situations wherein only one is abusive of other. Most often, the abusive relationships does not happen immediately, only after sometime. That will be the manifestation of the real self of the person you promised to live with. Thus, we need to talk to somebody we could trust.Thus, we need to support the abuse victim in whatever decision they take, what they need is our support, not judgement and coercion to get them to leave someone.
Comments